I Hate Macy's on State Street (Chicago)

I have worked hard to foster the parts of my psyche that love so it's going to be a strange experience to explain how much I HATE, and I mean HATE as much as I hate slow drivers or mealy apples, Macy's Bridal Salon on State Street in Chicago.

Just thinking about recounting the ineptitude and rudeness that me and my sister and bridesmaids have encountered there makes me feel all light-headed and woozy, like I just had a sneezing fit. I cannot believe that an institution that has the nerve to charge over $200.00 for a bridesmaid dress plus $100 plus for alterations employs salespeople who are so unkind and nonresponsive. Honestly, it's like a joke. As the latest snafu reached a cressendo, I thought I was being punked. There is no way in these tough commercial times that a salesperson is seriously acting the way that our sales person was acting towards me. Let's call her Marina, since that is actually her name.

I first met Marina on May 31, when my sister was in town (with the Party P!) and we decided to test drive some bridesmaid dresses. Debbie was on call with the bridal caboose that day as well, so I had my tallest and my petitest ladies accompany me to Macy's where they were having a Watters & Watters trunk show. I wasn't in love with Marina's brusque style and bossy demeanor. I sure didn't fall head over heels for her insistence that she "didn't have all day to help us out" when Caroline and I wanted to make one more pass through the samples before ordering a mere SEVEN dresses for the ladies. It would have been my preference to have some kindness and attention before asking my sister and friends to spend over $200.00 for a dress that, let's not kid ourselves, they will only wear once. But, hey, what do I know? I worked in retail back in 1995 in College Station, Texas, peddling skorts and trying to get poor college students to open an Express credit card. Maybe the whole notion of caring (or pretending you care) and paying attention to customers is some quaint, passe notion that went then way of the skort.

I was a little concerned about the situation and the Watters & Watters representative, who was as attentive and responsive as Marina was dismissive and rude, took over and also introduced me to the manager, who seemed capable and interested in the process. I called him later just to ask him to please be sure that my bridesmaids can come in and order their dresses without any hassle or grief from Marina. Mr. Manager said the following to me: "You know, Marina is new, and she's Russian. They are just like that." I said, "Like what?" He said, "You know...abrupt and gruff." Ok, Mr. Manager, run your bridal salon however you want, but it seems like an interesting business plan to hire people who basically suck and then apologize to the customers by stereotyping an entire country.

When Caroline came back to town for the bachelorette party, we spent another 1.5 hours in the Macy's bridal salon, since there is nothing else to do in Chicago during a beautiful fall day. Who wants to see a museum or go for a run, when you can sit in the 7th layer of hell trying to communicate with Marina and the cadre of bridal sales people at Macy's? What transpired then mystifies me as much as enrages me.

The sequence roughly went like this: Caroline got dumped into a room and there wasn't a sales person to be found. It was noon on a Saturday and I could have yelled fire at the top of my lungs and my 1st Amendment rights would be protected because there was literally no one to flee or stampede. Finally, alterations were called (Caroline had made an appointment 3 weeks prior to have alterations come and take care of her dress) and a very meek and skilled seamstress pinned Caroline's dress at the bodice and along the hem.

During the alterations process, Caroline noticed a white spot on the dress right in the front. She asked the seamstress about having the big white spot on her sapphire dress removed, and the seamstress called her manager. Now, Alicia from Alterations was on the scene, surveying the damage and discussing options. Because the alterations department apparently has no more authority than a family dog, guess who was called on the scene: Marina. Marina tells us she is not sure how to fix the blight on the dress. She says she has no idea if it can be cleaned without ruining the dress. Caroline and I are emphatic: we do not want the dress ruined. We explain calmly that the situation is a little complicated because the wedding is coming up quickly and Caroline lives in Texas. We asked about possible solutions. Marina kept saying that she can't give us the dress for free, which, incidentally, we weren't asking for. I used my feeling words: Marina, I feel really sad that my sister, my maid of honor, is going to have a spot on her dress for my only wedding. I told her I wasn't asking for a refund, I was asking for her to give a rat's ass and offer me some solutions. Might as well have asked for Vera Wang herself to appear and stitch a new set of dresses for everyone. My favorite part was where Marina blamed the whole situation on my sister: "If you had come here sooner, we would have found the spot and had time to find a solution." We thought that was a nice touch since it was her job to survey the dresses for any irregularities such as a big white spot as soon as they came in. Again, with the super creative and cutting edge customer service!

It devolved from there. Rapidly. Caroline and I implored both Alicia from Alterations and Marina to please just go ahead and alter the dress as it is and call us when it's done. We didn't think we had time to deal with getting another dress and having Caroline deal with alterations again. Caroline and I both said we would talk to Mr. Manager about how Macy's could compensate us for the (1) trouble and the (2) f*&^ed up maid of honor dress. In the meantime, we reiterated, just alter the dress and call me when it's done.

Guess what happened today! Marina called and said that the dress had been altered and then she sent it to the manufacturer, Watters & Watters, to get a new one for Caroline. Um, WHAT? I called her to find out what the plan was and it was like talking to that voice on the phone from the Charlie Brown cartoons. I stayed calm. I asked the relevant questions. I started with the basics:

Me: Marina, was the dress altered?

Marina: Yes.

Me: Ok, so the dress was altered, and my sister already paid $100.00 for those alterations, but then you send the dress back to get a new one from Watters & Watters?

Marina: Yes.

Me: Marina, when is my sister going to get the new and improved blight-free dress from the manufacturer?

Marina: In a few weeks.

Me: Ok, well, Marina, how will we handle alterations when Caroline lives in Texas, and moreover, has already paid for alterations on the dress you just sent back?

Marina: Well, you said you wanted perfect dress. You here practically crying about your sister's dress so I sent back to get perfect dress.

Me: I see. Why did you send it back after the alterations?

Marina: You said you want perfect dress.

Me: I am still confused about why you didn't call me as soon as it was altered as we requested? We also mentioned that little fact as my sister was giving her credit card to Alicia from Alterations, what about that?

Marina: You said you want perfect dress.

From there, I don't remember much because my head exploded and my brain matter went missing. Paint me pink and call me bridezilla but I am pretty sure there is something not quite right with the Macy's Bridal Salon approach. I haven't found much that was right, although I will say the ladies that picked up the phone this afternoon were really pleasant and professional. I am dismayed that Mr. Manager hasn't called me back either. I would just like to let him know that I will never ever step foot in Macy's again. NEVER. I will never recommend it, and if I ever run for President of anything, my platform will be comprised of anti-Macy's propaganda. I mean, Mr. Manager, I have a blog and friends who are engaged (Joanna) and those who will be soon (Trish) and to the extent that friends have any influence over friends it's a bad move to not at least pretend to care when something gets screwed up because I will spend 45 minutes of my next lunch with Joanna convincing her to register at William Sonoma or Bloomingdales. I will because I care about her. If anyone asks my advice for planning a wedding, I will say that she or he should go for smaller, locally owned businesses wherever feasible. (Get your dress at Wedding Belles!). I will say DO NOT register or get any part of your bridal ensemble at Macy's on State Street.

Yes, I am bitter and yes, I am hormonal and stressed, and the Fiber One isn't working properly, and my bra is too tight today. But I don't care. My friends and I deserve better treatment than what that team of scoundrals at Macy's dished out. I shouldn't have to point out how much money I was sending to Macy's-- it shouldn't matter how much I spend.

This experience makes me excited for the recession because maybe Macy's will have to shape up to win customers' hard-earned dollars. Not mine, not ever, but when I see the retail numbers tanking in the months to come, there will be a bright side in my mind. I hear the bridal industry is going to be hard hit. Good. I have a suggestion for a target.