OMG!

November just got more exciting. As if it's not enough to get married this month, I just stood next to the Godmother of Chicago and the Queen of DayTime T.V., Oprah Winfrey. I was so excited to see her I almost puked. Seriously. The room started to spin and I almost had to sit down. It took every ounce of self-control and composure I could muster not to gawk at her or offer to be her slave or to tell her I have the exact same T-shirt she was wearing. I could kick myself in the head for not having it on. This story would be so much better if I ran into Oprah and had on the same exact t-shirt.

The truth is a little less "twinsies," but still very exciting. I had just finished working out and I stepped into the dressing area in the ladies locker room to see if I could place my bangs in such a way on my forehead so that I looked less like someone with a 105 degree fever and a little more like someone who can come out of spin class with a little glistening. As I was standing there giving my bangs a little talking to, I saw a woman come in the room who appeared to be looking for something. She was wearing a red Gap t-shirt that read "Nurtu(red)"-- that's the one I have but wasn't wearing this morning-- and I looked up and thought it was the lady who does yoga when I normally do spin. I was about to say hi, but then I realized it wasn't yoga lady, but someone who looked really, really familiar. I went back to talking to my bangs, and seconds later, I realized she looked familiar because I have been seeing Oprah since I was in high school. I stopped talking to my bangs and started talking to my self: "Self, be cool. The woman wants to work out so don't stare like some hillbilly. Be COOL."

I left the room thinking I couldn't trust myself to remain calm because my heart was beating too quickly. I went to the ladies locker room front desk and yes, I admit it, I pretended to need a little plastic baggie to put my wet clothes in (the same ones I was presently wearing), and next thing I know, Oprah was standing right next to me asking the front desk receptionist if there was any contact lens solution anywhere. At that point, I looked right at her and smiled, in a way that I hope conveyed the following: "Look, you look vaguely familiar to me but I am very sophisticated and cerebral so I am not fawning over you any more than you are fawning all over me, even though my bangs look terrific. Let's just be adults and go on with our days, Ok, Oprah?" I think I probably actually gave her a smile that reminds her why she doesn't normally venture out in public because "the public" is full of neurotic people like me.

I like to think I played it cool. I waited until I got into the car to call my therapist and leave a message asking him what it means that I was so excited I almost vomited on Oprah in the health club. I can't wait to hear that analysis. If it's a family friendly analysis, perhaps I'll recount it here tomorrow morning.